


The Aftermath But It's Really Gay And Sad

by Loner__Headphones, orphan_account



Series: Don't leave him alone [4]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M, This chapter is just filled with gay, Trans Character, Trans Michael, Trans Michael Mell, take it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-30
Updated: 2018-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-08 20:58:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13466424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loner__Headphones/pseuds/Loner__Headphones, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Everything begins to set in. What they just did, what's been happening, and Michael begins to realize that maybe what they did wasn't as good as they thought, that maybe he never wanted to do it again, or probably not for quite a long time. But he can't tell Jeremy that, he can't upset his loving boyfriend, right?(Written by @Loner__Headphones!)





	The Aftermath But It's Really Gay And Sad

Right on time. As soon as the movie ended the doorbell rang, indicating that the pizza was here. Usually, Michael would have gotten up right away to go get it but he had fallen asleep as soon as the movie ended. He hadn't meant to but his body was so worn out from all the days' events and he just couldn't stay awake anymore.

Jeremy hadn't fallen asleep though so instead he got up and went to get the door. He got up slowly and carefully, not wanting to wake Michael up. He moved Michael from his somewhat upright position on Jeremy's shoulder and laying him flat on the couch, laying a blanket over him before leaving to go answer the door.

As soon as Jeremy left Michael woke up. He hadn't been asleep for that long but it was long enough for him to have a nightmare, a super bad one at that.

When Michael awoke he didn't see Jeremy. He started panicking. He was still in his dream, he had to be. Jeremy wasn't here, Brigit got him. Brigit had his precious boyfriend and she was about to send her bodyguards on him

Worry began to set in, causing Michael to start hyperventilating. He was alone, he was about to die, Alex was gonna kill Jeremy first and then Jason was gonna rape Michael before killing him. He was about to die, he could feel it.

Michael heard footsteps coming down the stairs and quickly got up and hid behind the couch. He took the blanket with him, wanting it with him.

It was just Jeremy but if course Michael didn't know that. In his mind it was Jason, come to finish the job. He didn't make a sound, he just breathed quietly. He had the blanket draped around his shoulders, shaking harshly.

"Michael? Are you still down here? It's just me, Jeremy." Jeremy set the food down on a little side table, looking around.

'It's not him, it's Jason. Jeremy's dead, Alex killed him. Jason's here to finish the job. Don't be fooled Michael, it's-' Michael's thoughts were cut short by a hand grabbing his shoulder. He screamed before he even turned around, putting his arms in front of him as a line of some sort of defense.

"Michael! Michael! Calm down, it's just me, Jeremy!" Jeremy knelt down, grabbing one of Michael's hands, holding it tightly.

"Get away from me! You're not Jeremy, he's dead!" Michael pulled his hand away, kicking one of his legs out so he hit Jeremy's leg, causing the smaller boy to fall over, landing right on his ass. The carpet luckily helped his rough fall hurt less, although he could already feel the bruise forming on his leg. He never knew Michael could kick so hard.

Michael put his arms down, hugging himself tightly. He had his eyes closed, not looking at Jeremy. "Jeremy's dead, he's dead. Alex killed him and you're here to finish the job! Brigit's here, she's enjoying all of this. She's listening and enjoying all of this. She sent you to-" Michael was cut off yet again by a set of familiar lips pressing against his own. They were Jeremy's lips. Another one of Jeremy's signature "Michael, I love you but shut up" Kisses.

Michael melted into the kiss right away, letting out a very shaky breath as he slowly moved one hand to Jeremy's back, feeling Jeremy's cardigan under his hands. Never in his life did he think he would be glad to feel this smelly cardigan that Jeremy washed every day but still somehow smelt awful. He kept bunching it up in his hand, taking deep breaths in and out as he felt himself start to calm down.

Jeremy finally pulled away, looking into Michael's now open eyes.

"Wanna come sit on the couch and tell me what happened?" Jeremy asks, taking Michael's free hand into his own, squeezing it tightly.

"Uh.... No, I don't because nothing happened. I'm fine, everything...." Michael breathed in deeply then exhaled, wiping away from tears from his waterline. He couldn't start crying, not in front of Jeremy, not here. "Everything is fine. I'm okay...."

Jeremy sighed and shook his head. "Michael, full offense but you're the worst liar. You're crying, huddled behind a couch, shaking, and you thought I was dead. You're not okay. If you won't move to the couch that's fine, you can tell me what's wrong right here. I'm not taking 'I'm fine' as an answer."

Michael looked away and sighed. He couldn't tell Jeremy what he was feeling, it was dumb. He was upset because of a nightmare and the fact that what they did was actually something he regretted. How was he gonna tell Jeremy that and disappoint his boyfriend? He couldn't. He had to keep it inside. He'd tell Jeremy tomorrow, yeah. That would be good. Tomorrow he'll tell Jeremy, right after he showers like he promised. That is if he wakes up on time. He had this new policy that if he woke up past eleven in the morning he couldn't shower since he "Didn't deserve to shower if he woke up so late". He hadn't showered in about a week because of that rule. Was he gross because of it? Yes, yes he was.

"Nothing is wrong. Besides, if something was wrong, which it's not, it would be dumb. You'd think I was stupid for thinking it." Michael didn't even realize that he had just basically exposed himself, telling Jeremy that he was indeed upset about something.

"Michael, you either tell me what's wrong or I'm gonna hide The Little Mermaid in a place that you'll never find it." Jeremy smirked slightly, knowing he had cornered Michael. The darker haired boy would do anything to keep his favorite movie with him.

Michael sighed, messing with his fingers a little bit. "What we did.... I don't like it. It's uncomfortable to even think about it. It makes me feel bad, like.... Like what Jason, Alex, Mark, and Christian did to me was justified. That I deserved it. It.... It makes me realize that I'm good for nothing but sex. My body isn't meant for good, it's.... It's meant to be abused."

Jeremy's eyes widened. This was his fault, even if Michael didn't admit it. It was Jeremy who had gotten that stupid boner from a scent that Michael wore. It was Jeremy who knew that Michael had been through hell today but had pushed it aside. It was Jeremy who did this and he knew damn well that it was him.

"Michael.... I'm sorry, this is my fault. I know you might say that it's not my fault but I know it is. I barely gave you any other options besides.... Oh god, I just realized something...."

Michael tilted his head in confusion. He was hoping this sudden realization was a good one.

"I'm no better than Jason. He gave you no other options. I should have known you didn't wanna do it. You were so hesitant, I should have stopped. I should have gone and taken care of myself. I could see how uncomfortable you were and my vision was so blurred by a fucking erection. It's my fault, it's my-" Jeremy was cut off by a pair of strong arms wrapping around his neck. He wanted to push Michael away but at the moment they were both an emotional wreck and if Jeremy pushed Michael away they would both feel awful.... Or feel worse than they already did.

"It's both of our faults. I didn't tell you that I wanted to stop, I didn't wanna disappoint you and stop halfway through. But you also saw that I was so hesitant to do it and you didn't stop. It's both of our faults. But you are better than Jason. You made sure I was okay where as Jason.... Jason gave me back pain that I'll never forget. He degraded me, made me feel like a slut. Like my body was meant for sex and abuse and nothing else. But you would have stopped. You would have stopped if I said 'Jeremy, I can't do this. We can't continue this.' You would have stopped right then and there and excused yourself to go take care of yourself and left me to watch the movie. He didn't stop. He kept going. He even ruined Christian, Alex, and Mark's chances of getting a football scholarship. He didn't care about anything as long as it brought me pain. You're so different. You would never intentionally hurt me and if you did hurt me you'd apologize quicker than I could yell in pain."

Jeremy listened to all of this, feeling like he was gonna start crying. Michael thought so highly of him, he was so loving and caring. He really didn't deserve such an amazing boyfriend like Michael. Always so caring, put Jeremy's needs before his own. Which sometimes wasn't good but sometimes he loved it. Michael could be having an anxiety attack but as soon as Jeremy messaged Michael saying "I'm upset" Michael would pause his anxiety attack and comfort Jeremy. His anxiety attack could wait.

"Michael.... Did I ever tell you that I love you?" Jeremy asked, pulling away from the hug.

"Yes. You tell me everyday. You even tell me in my dreams." Michael smiled, kissing Jeremy's cheek.

Jeremy had enough of sitting on the floor. With all the strength he could pull into his upper body he picked Michael up and carried him to the couch, sitting down with Michael sitting on Jeremy's lap. He liked this. Michael was of course confused about how he just went from the floor to the couch but honestly being in Jeremy's arms and sitting on his lap made him feel so much better. He really appreciated the small things in life, like this.

"So, Michael, not to ruin the moment but the pizza is getting cold and I know you wanna watch another movie and smear the grease on the pizza on my face so why don't we do that? Let's get cuddly and happy so I can watch you fall asleep with pizza in your mouth and a half full glass of soda on the ground."

Michael smiled brightly, nodding eagerly. "I like that idea. What do you wanna watch this time? It's your turn to pick the movie."

Jeremy thought for a moment, going through a list of movies in his head.

"Twilight. I really wanna watch Twilight since you don't wanna watch it that often. But since it's my turn to choose the movie we're watching Twilight."

Michael groaned loudly, laying his head on Jeremy's shoulder.

"Sometimes I regret taking you to go see that movie. But I guess since I love you we can watch it."

Jeremy smiled, kissing Michael's cheek. "Thanks Michael. Now why don't you go get some glasses from the kitchen and I'll start the movie. The pizza is gonna get cold and the soda is gonna if we don't dig in now."

Michael nodded, starting to get up from Jeremy's lap. Before he got fully off of Jeremy's lap he pressed his lips against his boyfriends lips, kissing him passionately for a minute before pulling away and going upstairs to go get cups.

Jeremy knew that he already knew this but he realized at this moment that he was in love so much with Michael. That man was the light of his life and honestly he knew he was so lucky to have Michael Mell in his life.

And honestly, Jeremy wanted it to stay that way forever. And it would. Nothing was gonna happen that could separate them, nothing would ever seperate them. Not even Brigit or her body guards. After all, all her body guards were in jail.

_**Not one of them were free, she was alone now.** _

_**Right?** _

**Author's Note:**

> " oww cmon i know you can do a little more angst! I love to se my boyf riends suffer a little(or a lot) if it means a cute and lovely chapter comes after (or a certain BRIGBITCH in the JAIL). "
> 
> Lmao, anything for you Luckyheart. This chapter was pure angst, cuteness, mixed in with just a little suffering. Don't worry, I have special plans for the next chapter >:]
> 
> Also, my friend Jamie said that Jeremy would like Twilight so blame Jamie for Jeremy liking Twilight.
> 
> EDIT: NEITHER OF THE CO-CREATORS HELPED WRITE THE FIC, I ADDED THEM SO THEY COULD SEE THE FIC FOR THEMSELVES. THEY DIDN'T DO ANY WRITING ON IT, THAT WAS ALL ME. K, BYE.
> 
> Also, sorry @guitar_babe for posting this chapter before we could work on it more. I wanted to bust this out then work on my Squipped Michael fan fiction since I've been neglecting it. Don't be mad at me, I promise I'll ask you for more help on the next chapter.
> 
> I GOT A TRANS BOY TO REVIEW THIS CHAPTER, I CAME PREPARED.


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